mmm. . .tired

Well, I couldn't get to sleep last night. I kept thinking about how if certain people read one of my posts then they could twist it and misunderstand what I wrote and get pissed off. I just get so sick and tired of people thinking that I am a bitch, when honestly, I am just trying to be nice to people. I am the type of person who is apparently not allowed to have an opinion. If I voice my opinion--even if it is meant to nice and understanding--people fly off the fucking handle and treat me like shit. I have been experiencing this for years, so there are a lot of times where I decide that I am not going to say anything because I don't want to be treated like shit. But then that opens a whole other can of worms. Then people start to think that I think that I am better than them and that I think that I am too good to talk to them. When in reality, I don't think that I am better than anyone, I am just trying to ensure that people can't twist my words against me and put other words in my mouth. I am constantly stuck in a catch 22. I know that some people would give me advice like, "who cares? fuck 'em", but it's not that easy when the people who freak out are people that you have to see on a weekly basis and who you once thought were your friends.

I was thinking last night that it would be nice if I could just carry a sign with me that would explin why I am not talking to anyone at the moment. It would say things like: I'm just not in the mood to talk; I'm not talking because people seem crabby and I don't want to piss anyone off; or I'm not talking because I am angry at someone. And trust me, the very last comment would be the one least showing. I think that that would be the easiest way for me to explain that there are not seedy reasons for my "quiet times", I guess you could call them.
Shit, I have to be to work in 10 minutes, I'll post later this week, if I get up early enough before I go to work.

Contemplate this: Am I worrying for nothing or imagining these things?