Tethered To Sanity

Saturday, September 23, 2006

somewhat better

well, I talked to a friend of mine and she pointed out that maybe by just walking away from that stupid kid rather than arguing with him and causing a scene, I made him think about what he said. Maybe he realized what a stupid thing it was for him to say and he had no place in saying what he said. I hope that that is the message that I sent rather than the message that it was acceptable for him to say something like that. Ugh, I dunno. . .

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Going to crazy town--any one want jump on the bus?!

I am seriously going crazy. It's not anything specific, I just I feel like the world is spinning out of my control, and I really can't handle that. I also have that feeling of being in a hamster wheel--I am running all over the place as fast as I can, but not getting anywhere. For instance, here was my schedule yesterday:

9-11am: homework at the GC
11: class
12: meeting
1pm: class
2: speech work
3-4:15pm: coaching
5pm-2:30am: work

And I didn't even have time to eat anything until 12midnight. It was horrible, and I was going to just stay up all night since I had class this morning--but I fell asleep and missed class. Oh, and there was a meeting for the Women's History Month committee, but I was in bed. The thing makes all of this suck even more is that I have come down with a horrible cold--I just feel like I am dying. I do feel slightly better though, that KIttie cacelled the trip to Texas this weekend. We would have been gone for five fucking days and I would have probably jumped out of the fucking van. I am so relieved. If Kittie had not cancelled the trip I would have went, even though deep down I knew that it was a bad idea for my health. So, that's good.

Also, I am so frustrated with my lot in life at this moment. Last night at work, I was in drive-thru and I was handing out orders while another guy was taking orders and money. These two teenage kids came through and they asked me if the guy taking orders was gay, and I said no. The teen then goes, "Well, I don't like that." I gave him this horrible death glare, said, "thanks" and walked away. What was I supposed to do? Mother fuckers. I wanted to jump through the window and yell at them and tell them that there is nothing wrong with being gay and that there is nothing that they should not "like". But I couldn't because it would have caused some type of drama that they would have complained about and I would have lost my job. i can't afford that--it's like the whole shopping at Wal Mart thing. I am so angry that just because I was in my uniform I couldn't fight against something that I would fight against in my normal life.

I am so ashamed. I wish that I could have said something, but what? And how? I hate this feeling. I haven't done anything that I should be ashamed of in years. I am a proud person who adheres to what she believes in, and this occurrence is eating me up inside. I just want to find one of those placards that people wear on street corners, and on one side put "My life, my way" and on the other side put, "Prejudices not accepted". I want to take it and walk around this stupid fucking town.

Contemplate this: Why does fighting injustice sometimtes have to feel so impossible?

Monday, September 11, 2006

Smile!!!

It always makes me happy when I check my blog and see that I have comments from people that I love! I ahve those anonymous comments that are probably from the system that works to make people feel like someone cares what they are writing. I miss ya'll a lot. Now that I am a Senior (crazy,huh?) I am reflecting on the four years that I have spent at HC and the people that I spent time with who are no longer around, but I wish they were. I also look back on the stupid crap that doesn't really matter any more any way, that seemed so important at the time. The times that I remember that most are when I was laughing or crying with friends because I was so happy and proud and glad that they were in my life. I wish that I had the balls to tell those people that, instead of chickening out and keeping it to myself. That's okay, though because most of time the people I love know who they are, and if they don't then, eventually, I'll remind them.

And I am so excited for week 2 of the L Word marathon this semester. We are starting with the pilot episodes of season one and working our way through the entire show. It will be a blast--I am ready to cry and be moved. The only problem is that I am having a serious case of Senioritis, and The L Word is providing me with an out. I don't want to do anything. I have had my CA done for almost a month now, but I didn't even try to start memorizing until Saturday. I have had my prose cut for two weeks, but didn't write the intro until Thursday. And my POI, well, I've had the argument for two weeks, but didn't start seriously trying to put lit together until Saturday--and I didn't get very far anyway.

I feel like a bum.

Contemplate this: Is motivation something that you have to pull from within, or can you get motivated by letting someone else's motivation rub off on you?

Friday, September 08, 2006

The L Word

I think I'm in love! My exroommate and I watched the L Word last night and it was fabulous!!! We have decided to make it a weekly event until we have watched every episode. I am so excited. The show is just amazing. We watched the first two pilot episodes, and I was enthralled and the whole time I was either laughing or on the verge of tears. I love it! I am so sad that it wasn't airing when we had Showtime at my parents' house, but that's the amazing thing about the technological age we live in--everything eventually gets made into something that you can rent and watch whenever you want! I think that I am going to do some web surfing and see if I can find the seasons for sale for cheap. If not, then I guess renting will have to do.

Oh, and I feel like posting my CA, so here: (Oh, but before that: Contemplate this: Could my check book survive taking a two week leave of absence? Maybe. . .probably not)
Angels, Whores, Pimps, and Wusses: all terms that arose in a transnational study that asked male and female adolescents to discuss sexuality. This study, reported in the 2001 issue of the Journal of Sociology, throws into sharp focus a dichotomy which is present in Western Culture: women who have sex are whores, women who do not have sex are angels, men who have sex are pimps, and men who do not have sex are wusses. The study further revealed that the definition of power for men includes having heterosexual sex, and for women: refusing heterosexual sex. This power differential sets up a rape culture for Western Societies. The CDC’s National Center for Injury Prevention and Control’s official website, modified daily, explains that 1 in 6 U.S. women and 1 in 33 U.S. men experience attempted or completed rape at some point in their lives, and between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 women experience attempted or completed rape during college, now consider that less than half of all rapes are ever reported.
Hoping to reduce the incidents of violence, in May 2006, the Spouse Abuse and Sexual Assault Crisis Center, or SASA, put up this billboard. It is part of a nationwide campaign sponsored by national domestic violence organizations, explains a SASA representative in a personal interview on July 24, 2006. The caption reads: We’re not born knowing how to treat women. Teach us! And the sweatshirt is printed with: Awaiting Instructions.
From a rhetorical perspective, the billboard’s approach is different from previous campaigns which focused on how to get out of dangerous situations rather than how to prevent them. This approach—appealing to the responsibility of teaching young people--leads us to ask the question: is the SASA billboard effective at appealing to an individual’s sense of personal responsibility for domestic violence?
The answer to this question can be found by first, looking at the requirements necessary for personal responsibility appeals in health campaigns; second, delving into the responsibility appeals within the billboard; and finally, examining critical implications.
To begin, we will turn to Nurit Guttman and William Harris Ressler’s article, “On Being Responsible: Ethical Issues in Appeals to Personal Responsibility in Health Campaigns,” published in the 2001 issue of the Journal of Health Communication. Because domestic violence is linked to mental and physical health, and the billboard is designed to promote healthy relationship communication, an analysis of personal responsibility in health campaigns is warranted. There are three facets of personal responsibility that Guttman and Ressler focus on: first, assumption of causation and blame; second, obligation, duty, and integrity; and finally, agency.
Guttman and Ressler’s first facet of personal responsibility is the Assumption of Causation and the Attribution of Blame. In campaigns where there is an appeal to personal responsibility, the rhetoric assumes that their target audience is the cause of the unhealthy situation; furthermore, the audience is to blame for the unhealthy situation.
The second facet, Obligation, Duty, and Integrity, posits that individuals have an obligation to others not to become a burden on society. Guttman and Ressler explain that, “obligation connotes virtue, which implies service, responsiveness to others with special needs, [. . .] and promise keeping.” Simply, individuals have a duty not to focus solely on themselves.
The final facet, agency, refers to the individual’s ability to be responsible. Guttman and Ressler explain that, “being truly responsible requires having the necessary opportunities, resources, skills, and enabling environment.” In a health campaign, the audience is shown how they can be responsible for their actions.
By applying Guttman and Ressler’s three facets to the SASA billboard, we can better understand how the appeals to personal responsibility function. The first facet--Assumption of Causation and the Attribution of Blame--is twofold. First, the teenage boy is depicted as the cause of domestic violence, but is not blamed for it. Second, the blame lies with the audience--those given the responsibility to teach him. The billboard is saying to its target audience, “this teenager does not know how to treat women, teaching him is your responsibility.”
The second facet of personal responsibility present in the campaign is Obligation, Duty, and Integrity. With Guttman and Ressler’s belief that “virtue[. . .] implies [. . .] responsiveness to others with special needs”, we see a teenager with a “special need”. The implied “special need” is ignorance through the shirt that says “Awaiting Instructions”. The target audience has an obligation to teach this person how to treat women.
The final facet of appealing to personal responsibility in health campaigns is agency. This facet refers to a person’s ability to fulfill his/her obligations. Along the bottom of the billboard is “SASA Crisis Center” with their 24 hour hotline number where one can obtain lessons and tools to discuss the proper way to treat women. In this billboard, the third facet of responsibility is deeply tied in with the second facet: the parents have a responsibility to call the number to receive the tools needed to talk to their sons. Without these tools, agency is lost and thus the ability to be responsible.
The analysis of this billboard enables us to answer our research question: is the SASA billboard effective at appealing to an individual’s sense of personal responsibility for domestic violence? The billboard appeals to personal responsibility, but may not be effectively preventing violence. There are three critical implications to be drawn from our analysis, which must be taken to the health campaign community at-large.
First, the campaign ignores that the cycle of violence may be embedded in Western Culture as seen in the Angel, Whore, Pimp, Wuss dichotomy explained in the aforementioned 2001 issue of the Journal of Sociology. By putting forth appeals to a culture in which this dichotomy is prevalent, SASA may be motivating its target audience to pass on that abusive mindset to the youth—thus sending an unhealthy message and exacerbating the situation.
Second, the billboard misses that the target audience—friends, teachers, relatives—may lack the tools necessary to discuss these sensitive issues. Canadian Psychology in February 2006, explains that “much of the emotional and psychological harm created by [. . .] [violent] events emerges in the context of [. . .] future interpersonal and intimate relationships.” And while SASA provides agency with their 24-hour hotline, it may not be adequate. In National Education Association Today in April 2001, Dominic Cappello, explains that all parents need a little help talking about these issues. The billboard assumes that such mentors will ask for help, when in all reality they may not, or worse the hotline may not provide enough advice on how to talk to youth about domestic violence.
The final implication is the most detrimental to the prevention of all domestic violence. The billboard, focusing on a teenage boy, completely ignores men who abuse men, women who abuse men, and women who abuse women. The official website of the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network modified daily, explains that about 10% of sexual assault survivors are men. These cases are legitimate, leaving SASA with the potential to marginalize survivors and feed the cycle of violence.
Today, after analyzing the SASA domestic violence prevention campaign and its appeals to personal responsibility, we can see that while we appeal to personal responsibility for actions, the lessons taught are left up to the person doing the teaching. These lessons are taught through parents, friends, teachers, and the media, unfortunately the lessons of how to treat women are rooted within the false Angel, Whore, Pimp, Wuss dichotomy. Perhaps the best way to erase this dichotomy is to teach human beings how to communicate effectively and treat each other with respect.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

One week down

I survived the first week of school. I am only slightly surprised by this since I worked a lot still last week. On Wednesday I worked from 5pm to 3:30am. It was a lone couple of days. I didn't miss any of my classes yet, which is cool, I guess. I really need to try to keep up on my homework and Forensics, though. My classes this semester require a lot of reading, and I only have two speeches that are even close to being ready for me to memorize, and then I have two others that I'm just looking for lit for. The first tournament is in two weeks and I don't think that I am going to be ready. Who knows, maybe I will be ready. I am definitely not going if my mouth doesn't feel any better, though. I think that my wisdom teeth are moving again--on both sides--and that I am grinding my teeth when I sleep, again. It sucks because there is this constant ache that won't go away, and I wake up during because my mouth is throbbing. I wish that I could just get my wisdom teeth pulled, but I don't have any dental insurance and I don't have any extra money to pay for it. It will prbably just go away eventually like usual, but it just hurts to much, that I am exhauted all the time.

And we had CARE retreat this weekend. I always have mixed feelings about retreats--no matter what they are for. I never want to go, and there are times when I have some fun, some work, and then boredom. The retreat this weekend, was a lot of work and a little bit of fun, and moments of boredom. And I have to admit that in general I am feeling a bit underappreciated. At work, in the activities that I am involved in, and from my 'friends'. And I use quotations because the people who I thought were my friends, I haven't even hung out with since we have been back. Yes, I know we have all been busy getting back into the swing of things, but they have had time to hang with others. Mlah, whatev. Anyway, one of that ways that I feel underappreciated is that in CARE, Everyone used to tell me how much that valued my opinion and point of view, and the tact that I would use, and now they're are saying all of that to someone else. I haven't changed, I am still acting the same way, but now that praise is going to someone else. And the part that makes feel worst is that it is one of my closest friends who is receiving this praise. Jealousy rears it's ugly head.

I guess that I am somewhat looking forward to this semester, it isn't going to be very difficult. I am going to reading about the Da Vinci code, a lot of early British literature, and then argumentation and debate. And that's pretty much it. I have three real classes, and then Forensics for 1 credit and COM Theory Lab for another credit. Not too shabby.

Contemplate this: How can you let people know that you would like to be recognized for all the work that you put forth without fishing for their gratitude?